“Cry until you laugh, laugh until you cry.”
This pretty much sums up my past couple of weeks.
Things are always changing, they just don’t stay the same. I have no regrets, I feel no remorse. These past couple weeks have shown me that nothing is as simple as I wish it could be, nothing is as easy or clear as I would hope it really is. As much as I wish to not be consumed by the longing for this simplicity and ease, it’s truly harder said than done. Especially when that’s what I do – throw myself fully into everything that comes my way, surrender to what I can.
When you have a glimpse of something so incredibly wonderful and suddenly you realize that the reality of the situation is not as ‘fairy tale’ as you made it out to be, well, simply put, it takes a bit of a toll. But I’m a strong believer that what’s meant to be is meant to be – I know I’ve been put exactly where I need to be. And hey, just like always, I’ve gotten way more out of this than I ever could have asked for. I can’t even say that I have a bitter bone (okay, maybe one little one, but I promise that’s all!) about what has happened. The more time that I have to think and accept, the more I realize this is truly what I needed. This is the light to a ‘darkness’ I didn’t realize that I had to this extent. And it’s really helped to define what I do and do not want, what I do and do not need.
After feeling pretty defeated, after realizing that this is a change that needs to happen, after realizing that this is best and trying to open myself up to acceptance, I’ve decided to whole-heartedly grasp this opportunity and make the most of it. I’m doing this because I know that that this is truly what is best, and ultimately just the right, and most honest conclusion. So I am now choosing to honour myself, the things I value and the person I want to be. I am choosing to do what I want to do, and spend my time with those I need to be spending my time with right now.
So, that’s what I’ve done – after a bit of time of sorrow and loneliness; I’ve taken a step back, taken a couple (or more) deep breaths, ran a few blocks, done some downward dogs, closed my eyes and opened them with a new, grateful perspective. As always, the universe is placing me where I need to be. And since I’ve been able to open myself up to the positive changes this can bring me, I’ve honestly been brought to joyful tears about the wonderful people who are in my life. I think I really needed this all to show me that I am surrounded by honest, kind-hearted, genuine, caring, positive, wonderful people. In other words, the people that I have been hoping to be able to have in my life. I needed this experience. I think the universe has given me this wake up call to say:
‘Hey Paige, look around at these wonderful friends you have. Just take a step back for a second and look at what has happened.’
I don’t even know why I had doubted for a second. Of course this is where I need to be.