I’ve had a rough past couple of weeks. And I’m tired of being sad about it. Breakups are tough, school is stressful, sometimes friends don’t always get along well, and spring is taking too long to come. But you know what else? There is so much good in my life.
1. I am thankful for the opportunity to have been with such a wonderful person, even if it was just for short amount of time. He taught so much and we shared many, many laughs. It’s easy to take things for granted and now that I am without him I am realizing just how much I unintentionally took for granted all of our time spent together. I am definitely feeling the loss, definitely feeling something missing. I am thankful that I was able to experience what an honest, no bullshit, no complications relationship was like. No drama, no stress, just being together and enjoying it. It was so nice having something, someone, to look forward to every day, to have arms to be welcomed into in at the end of the day. He helped me move on from so much of my past as well as realize that I am so much better because of all of it. He made me realize that what is ahead of me will also be so much better than what I’ve had previous to him. He made me realize that I deserve that. I hope he will forgive me one day, and realize that just like he was for me, I was a stepping stone to what is right for him. I’ve been second guessing myself, because of what an incredible person he is. I truly appreciate every kind word, every moment of affection, every single second spent with him. I hope that one day he will forgive me, and I hope that one day I will forgive myself. I am so thankful for him; I have been from the start, and I will forever continue to be thankful for him.
2. I am thankful for the new friends that have entered into my life, and for the opportunities to strengthen the friendships I already have. I’ve had made many friends in my life, and I’ve also had many friendships come to an end. It’s easy to be sad about lost friendships, but it’s also easy to be hopeful and excited about the ones blooming. I want to surround myself with people that inspire me, people that I wish to be like, people I can learn from. Why surround yourself with people that cause you stress and sadness? They are taking up room that could be filled with someone wonderful. Sometimes you just need to sort out the weeds in order to let the flowers grow. I owe that to myself. Everyone does.
3. I am thankful for dog-sitting. The past couple of months I’ve had two different opportunities to spend a couple of weeks with some pups. I am thankful for their ability to love, for their loyalty and for their cuddles. Of course it’s a lot of work and dedication, but I love every moment of it. Even when I find my shoes chewed up, or the garbage everywhere. It reminds me that you don’t need to worry and get upset about the little things. It’s really nice to have some company, somebody that doesn’t judge you, or care if you haven’t had a shower in a few days. I’ve really appreciated it especially the last week. Feeling lonely and sad and unsure of my decisions, I’ve been able to curl up with a couple of big bundles of love and word-less support. The past week would have been much harder if I didn’t have these guys.
4. I am thankful for my dad. Every week I drive him to the airport, and I pick him up a few days later. I love this time I get to spend with him, just us. Even though I have to get up at 5:00 in the morning. Even though sometimes he gets in and complains about how the heat is up too high, and how there is dog hair all over me, and points out the fact that I haven’t washed my car since (probably) last summer. I love every moment of it. Some weeks we joke, some weeks we have really serious conversations, some weeks we don’t say a lot. It’s time I get to spend with my pops, and I think he likes to spend this time with his dots, too.
5. I am thankful for my mom. Just like when I was in Asia and realized that not being around her all the time is so much different than being around her every day, not being home much the past few weeks has reminded me of that, and what a good relationship we have. She’s there for me, always. Whether it’s been a phone call, or a quick visit, or even just a single text message, I know I can always count on her. Just like every mother-daughter relationship, there are always challenges. But over the years, overcoming all of the challenges that we have, we have created a really amazing relationship. Another thing I am unfortunately good at taking for granted.
6. I am thankful for my eagerness to learn. This week I applied to the International Relations program at the University of Calgary. Sure, I tacked on a whooooole lot more work, and probably a good few extra years, but I know this was an amazing decision. If all goes as I hope, I will be graduating with a degree in Social and Cultural Anthropology, as well as International Relations. I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity to go to school, and for my desire to keep growing and learning. And I am incredibly thankful for the places that I know this will take me, physically and mentally.
7. I am thankful for the nearing end of my first year of university. It’s been a hectic and stressful past 8 or so months. It’s been a lot of learning, not only the material in the classes, but how to manage it all, how to prioritize and deal with stress. Many hours studying, researching and writing, as well as many hours procrastinating, and I’ve still got a good 22 days left of exactly that. I am excited to have a summer to work, read for joy and ultimately, enjoy myself. It has amazed me how differently I think now, not only about things that I was introduced to over the past couple of semesters, but actual how my brain is working. How my perspectives and thoughts of even just everyday, ordinary things have changed drastically. I can’t wait for that to continue next year and for the many years to come; but for right now I am so thrilled to being so close to a little bit of freedom, some time to let it all sink it, and some time to prepare for the many years in school ahead of me.
8. I am thankful for my healthy body. I am thankful for my beating heart. For my two feet. For my 10 fingers, and my ten toes. I am thankful for the ability to feel the cold on my skin, and the comfort of a warm blanket. I am thankful for my sight. I am thankful for my hair that is growing long and healthy. I am thankful for my skin. I am thankful for my belly. I am thankful for my flexibility and strength. I am thankful for the ability to love every inch of my body, and I am thankful for everyone who has helped me to do so.
9. I am thankful for music. I’ve spend a lot of time the past few months spending my spare moments watching shows, or having the TV just on in the background. I’ve been lacking music. I’ve made a promise to myself to allow myself the pleasure of the beautiful (in lyric and song) rhythm of the folk music that I adore. Why would I ever deprive myself of this simple joy? It can change walking down the street into dancing down the street. I am thankful for my hearing, and I am thankful for the talent of so many musicians.
10. I am thankful that I am able to be sad. Without it, I wouldn’t be able appreciate being the compassionate person that I am. Without it, I wouldn’t be able to realize what happiness is. You must have the rain (or maybe in this case, the snow) in order to feel and appreciate the sunshine. As much as I hate to be sad, I am so thankful that I have the capability to have these emotions.
11. I am forever thankful for to have so many things in my life to be thankful for. It’s easy to long for the things you don’t have, and miss the thing that you once did. It’s easy to take things for granted, and just go about your days doing what you need to do and not much more. Its easy to fall into sadness when you have good reason to, and I’m so thankful that I am able to realize that I don’t need to be sad. I am a happy person. I find the good in everything, at least I try to. And thats exactly what I need to do right now. I am thankful that I am able to pick out the good things in my life, because I know that many people struggle to do so. I need to remember that everything happens for a reason. I need to trust the universe and trust myself. I need to smile, and laugh, and love. I need to allow myself to be the best that I can be.